WEEKLY WISDOM - CONFLICT

Conflict:  to be different, opposed, or contradictory: to fail to be in agreement or accord

Sweaty palms, heartbeat racing, armpits dripping, lack of concentration, pacing back and forth, wringing hands, stuttered speech, head rubbing, emotional tears, nervous energy! All these can be signs of facing or engaging in conflict, especially if you are not skilled in this process. Often, you may just avoid it altogether and hope it either dissipates or someone else handles it.

You may also write a false narrative about the outcome or how the other person will react negatively. You may be afraid that this will hinder the relationship, and now you must deal with the awkwardness whenever you are in that person's presence. As you wrestle with this conflict, the impending issue takes up unnecessary mental real estate. Your engagement with that person is less productive as you can feel a different and strange energy.

So, you're asking, what's the solution? First, I must admit that I sometimes struggled with this as my personality is collaborative, drama-less, and let's all get along. Others seem to have no issue with conflict and will confront it head-on. However, I've learned that the aftermath can be less than stellar, with the other person leaving with either their feelings hurt, a severed relationship, or a fear of experiencing the same aggressive tone of voice or behavior again. But by facing conflict head-on, you can empower yourself to steer the conversation towards a positive resolution, relieving the tension and fostering a healthier relationship.

From my leadership experience, here are some best practices and tips for handling conflict effectively.

Best Practices:

• Center your mind and heart on the real issue and not the person. Do not write a narrative in your mind before speaking with the individual. Please give them the benefit of the doubt, as this is not a fight where you are a winner.

• The conflict is honestly a growth and clarifying conversation where you are realigning yourselves to be the best version of yourselves while working together.

• Approach the conflict with the other person as if it is an issue you can solve together.

• Keep the issue about you, how it makes you feel, and its impact on you instead of pointing the finger at the other person.

• Ensure that you handle the conflict at the appropriate time and place so that you don't cause embarrassment for either of you.

Tips:

• Pray before the approach.

• To approach the conflict, email or text the person, or add it to your meeting one-on-one agenda in advance so that you both are prepared to address the issue and not be surprised.

• Make it the first item on your agenda to ensure you have plenty of time to address the issue.

• Give space for the other person to respond and be open to listening to their perspective. This is not just about you, but about understanding the other person's feelings and thoughts. By doing so, you can foster a sense of empathy and understanding, which is crucial for effective conflict resolution. Bring closure by summarizing the agreement or resolution.

The Bible is the best resource for handling conflict. Matthew 18:15-17, James 1:19-20, and Luke 17:3.  

Exercise Your Power this week-

1. Determine how conflict can be positive for you and your team.

   
   

2. Review the last conflict you had with someone and how you could have made it a better conversation.

   
   

3. Research and read an article on the best way to handle conflict.